By Tripod Staff
Each issue this year, Tripod has conducted a poll of the student population asking a combination of serious and funny questions. This issue we focused many of the questions on how students are feeling about the unfortunate situation we are all in. We received responses from one hundred and six students from all ages. We hope that the information and responses provided here will provide some insight into how we are all doing and as always, some humor too! Notes from the Tripod editors are in italics. Thanks to everyone who responded! At the bottom of the article, you can see the winners of our two prizes.
Life
What is the biggest thing you miss about being at school?
- Friends (more than half of the responses)
- Being with the boys. And Mr. Bettendorf.
- End of year banter with classmates
- Pumping iron with the guys (Javi Rios, we know you wrote this)
- Reggie
- Everyday grind/interaction – feeling that you did something valuable that day.
- Senior celebrations (mentioned by most of the seniors)
What is one good thing that has come out of all of this?
- More sleep
- Gaming skills are off the charts
- Time to reflect on life itself and ponder questions that have long been in the back of my head. Sike its playing squads with the boys.
- Hella CBT (Should I call the police?)
- Not having to create an IRP poster for Bio. (Dub Szn)
The Crisis
Have you used the time at home to better yourself in any way?
- Ya, I’ve worked out a lot and my jump shot has really improved. (Ok, Blair)
- Not really? I dare say I’ve worsened myself.
- I have collected five of the six Infinity Stones, and begun work on a new Death Star.
- I learned how to solve a Rubik’s Cube, so I guess that’s something.
- Put more effort into exercising effectively, especially running.
What is the best “sleeper” Netflix series you have discovered during the pandemic?
- Outer Banks
- Outer Banks is not a sleeper pick. Stop writing it’s a sleeper pick. It isn’t. Btw Sarah Cameron is overrated don’t @ me. (Is your girlfriend and/or mother obsessed with Chase Stokes also?)
- My Little Pony, because it has 8 seasons for endless binging. (Or endless torture)
- гiмн Украīни – плакала (No idea what this is, but the first result on Google is shown below. Enjoy.)
- Don’t forget to catch up on “The Masked Singer” leaks, so switch to FOX at like 8:52 to catch the daily reveal and stun your parents with perfect guesses every episode. (Honesty is expected in all dealings)
- Minecraft: Story Mode. I need say nothing more.
- Rewatching “Thomas the Tank Engine” at 3am as you slowly contemplate what your life has come to and yearn for those simple days when you could watch anthropomorphic trains get yelled at by their always-angered boss and be happy and see the clear-cut divisions between good and evil and be able to understand everything that goes on oh no thats the sun and I haven’t slept oh no oh no. (I hope the next Health & Wellness session is soon)
Faculty
If you could make a TikTok with one faculty member who would it be and why?
- It would be Mr. Brennan because he still got them moves from the 80s.
- Mr. Pojman, we all saw that May Day video. He’s got some moves. (Watch out Chase Hudson)
- Doc Hyde, his renegade game is textbook.
- I can imagine Mr. Bettendorf going viral.
- Mr. Diop because he finds TikTok hysterical, especially the ratatouille song that is sung incorrectly but still sounds french.
- DR. MCCRORY BECAUSE WE COULD TALK ABOUT ART. (Someone seems awfully excited…)
- Coach Hoolihan, because that man can move.
Build your quarantine house: three faculty members, a current student not in your grade, and an alumnus.
- Mrs. MK, Mr. Heaton, Mr. Randall, Andrew Gu, and Siva Emani, just imagine it…
- I only need the Poj so that we can make meth 😶 – I mean more editions of Tripod.
- I’d take Mr. Piper, Mr. Poles, Mr. Hiatt, Ian Balaguera, and Robert Cunningham. By the time quarantine is over, we’ll have developed 7 groundbreaking software programs that bring 14th century risk mitigation and managing techniques into the modern financial workplace™. (Zero idea what this means but I’m already scared)
- Faculty: Mr. Bettendorf, Ms. MK, Mr. Kingsley. Student: Avi Attar. Alumnus: Kalyan Palepu. Place bets on who dies first and watch the melee that ensues.
- I’m good, but thank you.
Which faculty member are you choosing to save the Patriots? Why?
- Mr. Heaton. Put him at running back and get out of the way. (GET OUT!)
- The big guy who serves the food. That man would be a great addition to left tackle.
Mo[Mr. Randall]. He’s a beast.- DR. MCCRORY BECAUSE SHE IS PERFECT IN EVERY WAY. GOD’S GIFT TO HUMANITY. (ok who gAve eVery poll response In caps lock?)
- Lawler/Walsh. Moose> (Not sure what this means but I’m not sure if it relates to football-playing ability)
- Sr. Solís. He could scare anybody. Nothing has scared me more than Sr. Solís speaking English in Spanish class, not even the coronavirus.
- Mrs. MK. She’ll give the team a 225 page essay from Princeton on game theory to be read for the next day with a reading quiz. Then she’ll have the team run 4 suicides with NO SHORTCUTS and then, without warning, give them a second quiz on the Princeton essay… from 3 nights ago. (Remember: GARUM IS FISH SAUCE). The worst player gets a terrible recommendation to the league. Let them win the super bowl off of their blood, sweat, tears, and terror. Mrs. MK is the only one who can save them now. (What is garum again?)
- [Coach] Tomaino at wideout.
Rewards
There were two prizes up for grabs:
- Random Winner from All Responses – $10
- Funniest Response – $15
The winners for each prize are:
- Carter Crowley – $10
- Nick Raciti – $15, for the “Thomas the Tank Engine” response above
Please email Aidan Cook at aidan.cook@roxburylatin.org to redeem your prize. Thanks to everyone who participated!
