By Theo Coben V
You ever just be chilling on your couch down in the dumps compulsively sucking your thumb and then decide to make sourdough? Yea, so like any 55-year-old woman who recently moved on from her Hamilton phase, I tried to do that. The dough takes a few weeks to develop because it needs a “starter,” which is an active yeast culture, so things get kinda funky if you do not attend to it. I kinda forgot about the whole project a few weeks in and left the boy out for a few weeks. I got pretty scared when it turned a color it really shouldn’t, and worse, I turned to my last resort: I created an account on an amateur Bread Forum. Under the alias “GettingThatBread,” I set out to revive said sourdough in these exact words:
I tucked the starter behind some boxes on the counter and completely forgot about it. I’ve now rediscovered said starter and feel nothing but shame for potentially massacring my boy. There’s this brownish/orange liquid on top that one of you decided to call the “hooch” for some unscrupulously devious reason, and I don’t know if it is colored by some dangerous mold or just from the general distaste in your choice of naming it. People have said the hooch is normal and to just stir it in, but I’m not sure I want to do that. People also say that not feeding it can give it a certain smell and that it is normal, but currently, my starter smells like yogurt’s estranged brother on steroids so I’m not hugely open to taking that chance, but here we are on a bread forum. I’ve heard everyone say that you can’t kill a starter, but even if I could revive the starter, I’m worried it might kill me first.
In a mere 20 minutes, baker DanAyo33 of Louisiana hit me up with a reply:
Give this a try. Pour off any liquids. Take 30 grams of starter and mix in 30 grams of water and 30 grams of flour. Keep it warm, 80F or less and let us know what happens.
I bet it can be saved, but it looks like it is in very bad shape. We’ll see if a starter can be killed or not… Your starte4 (sic) will be a great test. LOL
Danny
I am elated to say the least when I found that the man was right, the dough did its thing and it is delicious. It’s like what Franklin Delano Rockefeller used to say: “Life’s like a sandwich; no matter what way you flip it, the bread always comes first. Unless you’re lactose intolerant.”
In other news, if you didn’t notice, there’s this thing called the coronavirus going around. People are stuck inside worried and stressed about the world around them. However, your New England Toyota dealers recognize that in times like these, we’ve got to stay strong as one. We will get through this, and there will be more Toyotathons. Just you wait. It’s especially important during times like these that we’ve got each other’s backs. That’s why Jimmy John’s Sandwiches wants you to know that we’ve got your back. There’s some good news to come in all of this, because once you’ve hit the point in life where you rely on Jimmy John’s to maintain your sanity, that bar can’t get any lower! Anyways, the folks here at Cricket Wireless just wanted to know that we’ve got your back, except if you want reliable service literally anywhere. Because times like these we know are hard times to live in of our loyal base of customers living at a time so hard in these times. That’s why at Smith and Wesson, we’re committed to your welfare during times like these, and that’s why we stand with all of the brave and essential Liberators of Michigan. Because now more than ever, we are reminded that we all are in the same boat, which is why Royal Caribbean Cruises is dedicated to offering reduced fares to those hit hardest, unless it’s too soon to exploit that amirite?
And speaking of clapping even when others insist you stop, the craftsmen at Cuisinart are letting you know that you are morally obligated to bang Cuisinart pots and pans.
Anyways, this message is just coming from Yamaha Pianos to remind you that we as a community are here to come through for all of you advertisers, no matter how many other companies are playing that same damn uplifting chord progression to black and white stock photos of a dentist wearing latex gloves. For this reason, Morgan and Morgan is proud to offer our services diligently when we get back to normal, because at some point, as humans always do, we’re going to be able to physically assault each other again, even if it’ll feel a bit unfamiliar the first few go-arounds. And speaking of clapping even when others insist you stop, the craftsmen at Cuisinart are letting you know that you are morally obligated to bang Cuisinart pots and pans with Cuisinart spoons for all our health care workers, and instead of donating some money to hospitals and PPE for doctors, drop that fat stimulus check on Cuisinart pots and pans to thank our health care workers or else you’re a communist fascist simpist bigotist incelist socialist Sunkist!
