Humor – A Student Publication of the Roxbury Latin School

Roxbury Latin By-the-Numbers + They Didn’t Say It + They Said It

10 – Combined AP scores of all 10 Calculus AB students

0 – Number of assignments cheated on during the online semester

Teddy’s Teaser the Third turns heads

By Teddy Glaeser III

It is a dark time for the Rebellion. Greek myrmidons, enraged at the death of Achilles, have awoken from a centuries-long slumber deep beneath Fenway Park. Meanwhile, you relax peacefully on a mysterious beach, sipping herbal tea as you observe the beautiful serenity of the cerulean sea. You aren’t sure of your location, but it’s probably somewhere around the island of Tasmania. Lounging upon your cozy futon, you suddenly realize that you forgot to bring your favorite pair of moccasins. This calamity is only worsened by the arrival of Tsar Nicholas II, who launches into a diatribe concerning The Scarlet Letter. Wallowing in ennui, you lament your decision to murder Rasputin. But the Gedankenexperiment remains: if Schrödinger’s monkey falls over while Descartes is in a cave, is its allegorical typewriter still the same ship? Write out your answer in kumquats and mail it to me by owl to receive your reward (“yes” or “no” are sadly unacceptable).

Theo rises to the challenge of baking bread

By Theo Coben V

You ever just be chilling on your couch down in the dumps compulsively sucking your thumb and then decide to make sourdough? Yea, so like any 55-year-old woman who recently moved on from her Hamilton phase, I tried to do that. The dough takes a few weeks to develop because it needs a “starter,” which is an active yeast culture, so things get kinda funky if you do not attend to it. I kinda forgot about the whole project a few weeks in and left the boy out for a few weeks. I got pretty scared when it turned a color it really shouldn’t, and worse, I turned to my last resort: I created an account on an amateur Bread Forum. Under the alias “GettingThatBread,” I set out to revive said sourdough in these exact words:

Here are our picks of the Best Music, Best Movies, and Best TV to pass the time during the quarantine

By Frankie Lonergan II

We all have ungodly amounts of free time. Here are some TV, movies, and music that I’ve used to keep me busy these past few weeks.

Class presidents bring their personal touch to virtual homerooms

By Vishnu Emani III

As we’ve all been getting acclimated to the new school environment, we have been trying to make the virtual school experience as similar as possible to what school was like before. Other than the nauseating clanging of the rolly-bags in the hallways and the experience of standing right next to the monstrous bells in the Classics wing, most of the physical school experience is worth trying to replicate. Specifically, I want to focus on how homeroom is being run throughout the different classes.

Time Capsule: Students detail quarantine diversions

One snapshot of daily quarantine life from each grade

By Daniel Berk II

Quarantine can be a tough time. The days feel long, there are no friends to see, and there are few new experiences. If you are running out of things to do while social distancing or just want to hear someone else’s take on life as a quaranTEEN, look no further! Members of each class at RL have answered these three questions:

How do you spend your days?
How do you feel about the virus?
What are some recommendations for things to do?

Watch these video snippets from their quarantines!

Meme Central: Tweets, TikToks and more!

These memes, videos, and fake tweets were submitted by various students from across all six grades.

Category: Humor